I feel like I'm floating but I'm being dragged down
I feel like I'm ready to fly
But I have your shackles on my wings
I feel like I'm falling but you're holding me up
I feel like I'm ready to drown
But I can't forget how to swim
One day I'll reach inside
One day I'll see
One day I'll finally be me.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Him
Forgoe normality and swallow reality
Allow your heart to venture down its chosen path
There is a man, born from the shadows that melt seamlessly into the light which shines from the slowing train.
Standing against the wall, only the burning glow of his cigarette dangling precariously from his invisible lips is visible.
He soundlessly inhales the acidic smoke into his lungs, allowing it to fill him with the possibility of an early death, before slowly-powerfully-releasing the smoke back into an unforgiving world.
Trains arrive and leave the station, passengers trickling on or off, the number dying as the night ages.
A watcher would have though he was waiting for a tardy passenger to alight. A watcher would have been wrong...
To Be Continued...
Allow your heart to venture down its chosen path
There is a man, born from the shadows that melt seamlessly into the light which shines from the slowing train.
Standing against the wall, only the burning glow of his cigarette dangling precariously from his invisible lips is visible.
He soundlessly inhales the acidic smoke into his lungs, allowing it to fill him with the possibility of an early death, before slowly-powerfully-releasing the smoke back into an unforgiving world.
Trains arrive and leave the station, passengers trickling on or off, the number dying as the night ages.
A watcher would have though he was waiting for a tardy passenger to alight. A watcher would have been wrong...
To Be Continued...
Saturday, February 20, 2010
My head is light. Am I happy?
My heart is heavy. Something isn't right.
I feel as though I'm missing something.
Some piece of information just beyond my grasp.
I feel as though I am listening to the white noise of suspense.
I feel as though I am tasting blood from a broken heart.
I feel as though I am touching the velvety fringes of mystery.
I feel as though I can smell souls going up in flames.
I feel as though I can speak and my words will never exist.
Home is where the heart is.
Hell is where the mind is.
But Heaven may yet be reached.
My heart is heavy. Something isn't right.
I feel as though I'm missing something.
Some piece of information just beyond my grasp.
I feel as though I am listening to the white noise of suspense.
I feel as though I am tasting blood from a broken heart.
I feel as though I am touching the velvety fringes of mystery.
I feel as though I can smell souls going up in flames.
I feel as though I can speak and my words will never exist.
Home is where the heart is.
Hell is where the mind is.
But Heaven may yet be reached.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Dream Girl
My dream girl would be perfect. OBVIOUSLY.
She would be my height, maybe a little taller or shorter, but no more than a couple of inches.
She would have hair past her shoulders, it would be soft and curly and smell nice. It could be any colour of the rainbow as far as I'm concerned:Brown, black, blonde, red, purple, silver. But not green.
She would have honest eyes, where I could see how she was truly feeling no matter what she said. I would be able to both fall into those eyes and also be held at a distance by their intensity. They too could be any colour although hazel eyes are gorgeous. Those eyes would look up at me smiling, full of laughter. But she wouldn't be afraid to let me see them full of tears and deep sorrow when she needed me there to hold her. When she is angry at me sparks will fly and her whole face will catch alight with her emotion. She will not need to stomp her feet because the burning of her glare would be her most powerful weapon.
Together we would fight like wildcats, exchanging spitting words and vindictive howls. Both of us, full of simmering anger that cannot be extinguished with haste. Eventually calming in our own manners, alone. Coming together for forgiveness and apologies. Accepting, forgiving, but never forgetting.
Her mouth would be small but full, so soft and sweet to kiss that our mouths melt together as we gently cup each others faces and sigh. Her teeth would be hard as they bite my lip in passion, her tongue warm and sensuous as we drown in each others taste.
The rest of her body, warm, long, smooth. She would be slender, she would be more energetic than I. She would tease me with her ability to outrun and outlaugh me.
Around others she would be restrained, bubbling energy hidden in every movement she makes. Slowly understanding my circle of friends, slowly loving them as I do. Soon with them too she would be displaying her quick wit, her sharp humour and her cheeky way of thinking. She would be smarter than I in most areas, leaving me only a few to excel at. She wouldn't hesitate to share her knowledge and our conversations would be interesting and full of genuinity.
We would make love slowly and passionately, pleasuring each other gently and lovingly, unafraid of emotions, feeling no urge to rush.
We would make love wildy and roughly, taking what we wanted without restraint and panting over each others bodies, desperate to reach the high state of climax we achieve together.
We would fall asleep in each others arms, limbs entangled and warm. Moving closer in our sleep to hold each other and whisper our love. We would wake up slowly together, stroking one another's hair from our eyes and leaning forwards to steal a goodmorning kiss.
We would each have friends of our own, but slowly through our growing trust and love, they would all get to know each other. We might not all get on, we might fight, but such is the way of all good friendships, so long as they heal.
She might have another lover, hopefully a man. I myself would have my own. We would discuss, help and understand each other, leaving no room or time for discontent. Maybe one day we would share our individual lovers, maybe one day we will leave each other.
But we would always, always stay the best of friends.
She would be my height, maybe a little taller or shorter, but no more than a couple of inches.
She would have hair past her shoulders, it would be soft and curly and smell nice. It could be any colour of the rainbow as far as I'm concerned:Brown, black, blonde, red, purple, silver. But not green.
She would have honest eyes, where I could see how she was truly feeling no matter what she said. I would be able to both fall into those eyes and also be held at a distance by their intensity. They too could be any colour although hazel eyes are gorgeous. Those eyes would look up at me smiling, full of laughter. But she wouldn't be afraid to let me see them full of tears and deep sorrow when she needed me there to hold her. When she is angry at me sparks will fly and her whole face will catch alight with her emotion. She will not need to stomp her feet because the burning of her glare would be her most powerful weapon.
Together we would fight like wildcats, exchanging spitting words and vindictive howls. Both of us, full of simmering anger that cannot be extinguished with haste. Eventually calming in our own manners, alone. Coming together for forgiveness and apologies. Accepting, forgiving, but never forgetting.
Her mouth would be small but full, so soft and sweet to kiss that our mouths melt together as we gently cup each others faces and sigh. Her teeth would be hard as they bite my lip in passion, her tongue warm and sensuous as we drown in each others taste.
The rest of her body, warm, long, smooth. She would be slender, she would be more energetic than I. She would tease me with her ability to outrun and outlaugh me.
Around others she would be restrained, bubbling energy hidden in every movement she makes. Slowly understanding my circle of friends, slowly loving them as I do. Soon with them too she would be displaying her quick wit, her sharp humour and her cheeky way of thinking. She would be smarter than I in most areas, leaving me only a few to excel at. She wouldn't hesitate to share her knowledge and our conversations would be interesting and full of genuinity.
We would make love slowly and passionately, pleasuring each other gently and lovingly, unafraid of emotions, feeling no urge to rush.
We would make love wildy and roughly, taking what we wanted without restraint and panting over each others bodies, desperate to reach the high state of climax we achieve together.
We would fall asleep in each others arms, limbs entangled and warm. Moving closer in our sleep to hold each other and whisper our love. We would wake up slowly together, stroking one another's hair from our eyes and leaning forwards to steal a goodmorning kiss.
We would each have friends of our own, but slowly through our growing trust and love, they would all get to know each other. We might not all get on, we might fight, but such is the way of all good friendships, so long as they heal.
She might have another lover, hopefully a man. I myself would have my own. We would discuss, help and understand each other, leaving no room or time for discontent. Maybe one day we would share our individual lovers, maybe one day we will leave each other.
But we would always, always stay the best of friends.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Big Weekend Out
The last few days have been awesome, despite the will of certain failing people to make EVERYTHING fail.
Weighing up the good stuff, I think it still wins. Despite a night in the pouring rain, a morning after little sleep, and getting into about 5 seperate fights with the same amount of people.
Friday was meant to be the open day for Chinese New Year, but due to the rain all the plans to celebrate Ana's birthday in cohesion fell apart. Certain people left other good people who were doing the right thing by waiting for the birthday girl, and left those good people carrying their GOON for a few hours. Those certain people should be very happy that the goon was not dumped or drunk. But instead certain of these certain people are instead choosing to be...difficult. Oh well :)
The night was spent in wanderings, drinkings and rainings. I wish OTHER people (who are not the "Certain" people) could have been persuaded to stay inside the bar until the rain lessened...which it DID. I have also come to conclusion of never drinking that amount again when a pretty decent amount of walking will be required.
I had a pretty damn good night in the end thanks to Ana, Soph and Roy. Daniella...you make life difficult with your claims of clubbing powah. And then making it more suss than sucking dick. Thankyou very much to Dom who stayed up and sheltered Roy from the wild world. And thanks to me for getting up early to fetch him ;)
Saturday was better than Friday. Probably because it didn't require getting soaked through to the skin. And probably because I could walk very capably. I'm sure those are the only reasons Saturday was any fun. Hope the people who ended up going to Reclaim the Lanes last night haven't caught their death. Or that at least they decided 2 nights of pouring rain was too fail to consider.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone :) I woke up to a very pretty rose outside my door. And I was up late enough last night to get my only "Happy Valentine's Day". Live life my way. It's goooood.
Not to mention the present I recieved on Friday -.- Sigh. -facepalm- doesn't even cover it.
A recap; the last few days, Friday through to Sunday (today) have included these events: Friday, fake Valentine's Day at school, Ana's Birthday, Fail open day of Chinese New Year and To Write Love on Her Arms Day. Saturday, kiss on the lips and not the cheek day, Reclaim the Lanes. Today, Valentine's Day, the true Chinese New Year.
I love many of you, respect most of you, and trust one of you.
Bai for now.
xoxo
Weighing up the good stuff, I think it still wins. Despite a night in the pouring rain, a morning after little sleep, and getting into about 5 seperate fights with the same amount of people.
Friday was meant to be the open day for Chinese New Year, but due to the rain all the plans to celebrate Ana's birthday in cohesion fell apart. Certain people left other good people who were doing the right thing by waiting for the birthday girl, and left those good people carrying their GOON for a few hours. Those certain people should be very happy that the goon was not dumped or drunk. But instead certain of these certain people are instead choosing to be...difficult. Oh well :)
The night was spent in wanderings, drinkings and rainings. I wish OTHER people (who are not the "Certain" people) could have been persuaded to stay inside the bar until the rain lessened...which it DID. I have also come to conclusion of never drinking that amount again when a pretty decent amount of walking will be required.
I had a pretty damn good night in the end thanks to Ana, Soph and Roy. Daniella...you make life difficult with your claims of clubbing powah. And then making it more suss than sucking dick. Thankyou very much to Dom who stayed up and sheltered Roy from the wild world. And thanks to me for getting up early to fetch him ;)
Saturday was better than Friday. Probably because it didn't require getting soaked through to the skin. And probably because I could walk very capably. I'm sure those are the only reasons Saturday was any fun. Hope the people who ended up going to Reclaim the Lanes last night haven't caught their death. Or that at least they decided 2 nights of pouring rain was too fail to consider.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone :) I woke up to a very pretty rose outside my door. And I was up late enough last night to get my only "Happy Valentine's Day". Live life my way. It's goooood.
Not to mention the present I recieved on Friday -.- Sigh. -facepalm- doesn't even cover it.
A recap; the last few days, Friday through to Sunday (today) have included these events: Friday, fake Valentine's Day at school, Ana's Birthday, Fail open day of Chinese New Year and To Write Love on Her Arms Day. Saturday, kiss on the lips and not the cheek day, Reclaim the Lanes. Today, Valentine's Day, the true Chinese New Year.
I love many of you, respect most of you, and trust one of you.
Bai for now.
xoxo
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Dithargia, to be or not to be.
You know that feeling like you're in a bubble...people are talking, yelling, screaming, you might be working in class, sitting on a bus or walking down the street...but it's like they aren't really getting through to you. You hear them, you see them, you smile and laugh and do all that you must because society dictates its the go. You aren't depressed, you aren't crying on the inside and covering it up. It's just a huge effort to respond to people because you're content to watch the world go past. You aren't exactly empty inside, it's more as though you are full...but full of emptiness. It has substance in this state.
You do know this feeling?
It's like someone has injected a local anaesthetic into my little bubble...writing this isn't triggering emotion...it is merely fact. I am not melancholy nor am I depressed or lethargic. It goes deeper...or sideways maybe.
One has to become a master at masking the signs of this dithargia. This is the name I have given this strange feeling, as one may suggest it is a combination of depression and lethargia. If one does not mask the signs, all kinds of assumptions will be made about oneself. The first few times it is difficult to hide. A certain blankness of the face and of reaction may be detected, possibly less laughs but also less frowns. Less reactions after insults have been cast. Overall it is a safe place to be, this dithargia, unless detected.
Once detected meetings with psychologists or school councillers might be put in place, parents may ensure eating habits are healthy and no strange sounds come from the bathroom after, friends may edge away, or report strange behaviour. Dithargia, once put under this stress, no longer copes as such, instead this benign state of mind leads to what is known as depression.
Only "under pressure" does this usually occur. One may say that opposed to the everyday ups and downs of life, dithargia is a "happy" place to be. It is certainly more hassle free. Unfortunately it may also lead to incompleted homework, unanswered text messages and poor exam results. However if carefully managed the outside body may continue to process the delicacies of every day life while the mind and soul remain unoppressed within the warm walls of the human psyche.
Expertise must be achieved to experience the perfect state of mind where effort is no longer required to keep the sack of intestines, arteries, bones and other necessary innards functioning as per the norm. This allows full relaxation to occur. It does still however complicate human relations, the closer the relationship is the more the person may realise they are dealing with a content yet partially absent drone. In a situation such as this dithargia is difficult to maintain without losing the one's closest to you, however if you have achieved full dithargic state this should not be a problem to you.
You are the weakest link.
Goodbye.
You do know this feeling?
It's like someone has injected a local anaesthetic into my little bubble...writing this isn't triggering emotion...it is merely fact. I am not melancholy nor am I depressed or lethargic. It goes deeper...or sideways maybe.
One has to become a master at masking the signs of this dithargia. This is the name I have given this strange feeling, as one may suggest it is a combination of depression and lethargia. If one does not mask the signs, all kinds of assumptions will be made about oneself. The first few times it is difficult to hide. A certain blankness of the face and of reaction may be detected, possibly less laughs but also less frowns. Less reactions after insults have been cast. Overall it is a safe place to be, this dithargia, unless detected.
Once detected meetings with psychologists or school councillers might be put in place, parents may ensure eating habits are healthy and no strange sounds come from the bathroom after, friends may edge away, or report strange behaviour. Dithargia, once put under this stress, no longer copes as such, instead this benign state of mind leads to what is known as depression.
Only "under pressure" does this usually occur. One may say that opposed to the everyday ups and downs of life, dithargia is a "happy" place to be. It is certainly more hassle free. Unfortunately it may also lead to incompleted homework, unanswered text messages and poor exam results. However if carefully managed the outside body may continue to process the delicacies of every day life while the mind and soul remain unoppressed within the warm walls of the human psyche.
Expertise must be achieved to experience the perfect state of mind where effort is no longer required to keep the sack of intestines, arteries, bones and other necessary innards functioning as per the norm. This allows full relaxation to occur. It does still however complicate human relations, the closer the relationship is the more the person may realise they are dealing with a content yet partially absent drone. In a situation such as this dithargia is difficult to maintain without losing the one's closest to you, however if you have achieved full dithargic state this should not be a problem to you.
You are the weakest link.
Goodbye.
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