This frustration that bubbles up
weakens me with its heat.
This hatred that flares so bright
attacks my heart with steady beat.
I want to bite you, scratch you, hurt you.
I want to fight you, tease you, rip you.
I want your heart to bleed and your soul to bruise.
I want to kill you so badly, this is no ruse.
I will stab you and rip out your spine
I will halt the heart that is no longer mine.
I will drive bone splinters deep into your brain.
I will make you scream out in pain.
I can see the tears sliding down your cheek.
I can feel horror at this havoc I wreak.
I can tell you this is all your fault.
I can love yet never halt.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Built to Live
Built for a purpose, or to take up space?
Built to participate in life's great race.
Built to fit into someone's idea
Of what you are doing and why you are here.
Live for a reason or live for the thrill.
Live to be different or go through the drill.
Live because living is all you can do,
To die, you have to first live too.
Built to participate in life's great race.
Built to fit into someone's idea
Of what you are doing and why you are here.
Live for a reason or live for the thrill.
Live to be different or go through the drill.
Live because living is all you can do,
To die, you have to first live too.
In my head
Yes, there are places I wouldn't go.
But not many.
There are some places I hate.
More than any.
All are inside my mind
Places but few can find.
When I'm there I'm alone.
Yet surrounded.
I hear voices and echoes.
I scream for quiet and they subside.
Yet their presence slowly grows
Until I'm overwhelmed.
They are a part of me.
Yet they act on their own.
I am a colour.
They are my tone.
I am blind and they can't see
Fumbling in the darkness blindly.
Yet their incessant chidings grate upon me.
I am slipping.
Doing as they say.
I know I must be mad.
Or are the voices a seperate entity
Individual from my sanity.
Do as I say
Do as I command
You are but a bird
I am but the hand
Is it I who speaks?
I can no longer tell.
But not many.
There are some places I hate.
More than any.
All are inside my mind
Places but few can find.
When I'm there I'm alone.
Yet surrounded.
I hear voices and echoes.
I scream for quiet and they subside.
Yet their presence slowly grows
Until I'm overwhelmed.
They are a part of me.
Yet they act on their own.
I am a colour.
They are my tone.
I am blind and they can't see
Fumbling in the darkness blindly.
Yet their incessant chidings grate upon me.
I am slipping.
Doing as they say.
I know I must be mad.
Or are the voices a seperate entity
Individual from my sanity.
Do as I say
Do as I command
You are but a bird
I am but the hand
Is it I who speaks?
I can no longer tell.
Abyss
The abyss is not just a place
it's a feeling
Bringing with it the cold you feel
when you're alone
but you aren't
Many have fallen into this other
this lack of being
The loudest sound is that of your heart
Stopping
Or maybe the lack of breathing
so painfully loud in its absence.
So scream, panic
A passerby might hear your silence
as the echoes of the abyss rebound inside your head.
Or use this nothing
fill it with
Something
Make it yours
and watch the flow of emptiness in the air
as it materialises
This is where I go
This is where I dream
Here I am safe from the nightmares that haunt me
Here
I can lose myself
Here
I don't exist
it's a feeling
Bringing with it the cold you feel
when you're alone
but you aren't
Many have fallen into this other
this lack of being
The loudest sound is that of your heart
Stopping
Or maybe the lack of breathing
so painfully loud in its absence.
So scream, panic
A passerby might hear your silence
as the echoes of the abyss rebound inside your head.
Or use this nothing
fill it with
Something
Make it yours
and watch the flow of emptiness in the air
as it materialises
This is where I go
This is where I dream
Here I am safe from the nightmares that haunt me
Here
I can lose myself
Here
I don't exist
New Years 2009 Sam on guitar, Soph on lyrics
Told to compose a song within an hour with Sam, I did the lyrics assuming that a male would be singing, however in the end I did. Not sure where the recording is. I'm okay with being into girls though.
Walkin along the beach pretendin it's her street
Feelin dark inside, thinkin of last night
I called her, just to hear her say no again...
Walking slowly, ever further from the light.
I'm at the beach, she's scared of love
She's out of reach and I'm fallin, fallin, fallin
Without her I'm asleep, dead to the world,
Her smile can wake my soul, my girl.
Singing to a lamp post, pretendin it's her window
Feelin sad inside, thinkin of last year
I called her, just to ask her to the movies
Singin loudly, empty words to hide my fear.
I'm at the beach, she's scared of love
She's out of reach and I'm fallin, fallin, fallin
Without her I'm asleep, dead to the world,
Her smile can wake my soul, my girl.
Runnin from the beach, pretendin it's my whole life
Feelin lost inside, thinkin of tomorrow
I'll call her, just to say I love you
But it's no nightmare, her ears were hollow
I'm at the beach, she's scared of love
She's out of reach and I'm fallin, fallin, fallin
Without her I'm asleep, dead to the world,
Her smile can wake my soul, my girl...
Walkin along the beach pretendin it's her street
Feelin dark inside, thinkin of last night
I called her, just to hear her say no again...
Walking slowly, ever further from the light.
I'm at the beach, she's scared of love
She's out of reach and I'm fallin, fallin, fallin
Without her I'm asleep, dead to the world,
Her smile can wake my soul, my girl.
Singing to a lamp post, pretendin it's her window
Feelin sad inside, thinkin of last year
I called her, just to ask her to the movies
Singin loudly, empty words to hide my fear.
I'm at the beach, she's scared of love
She's out of reach and I'm fallin, fallin, fallin
Without her I'm asleep, dead to the world,
Her smile can wake my soul, my girl.
Runnin from the beach, pretendin it's my whole life
Feelin lost inside, thinkin of tomorrow
I'll call her, just to say I love you
But it's no nightmare, her ears were hollow
I'm at the beach, she's scared of love
She's out of reach and I'm fallin, fallin, fallin
Without her I'm asleep, dead to the world,
Her smile can wake my soul, my girl...
Pygmalion
Meant to be a lyrical poem/song
He fell in love with an ice cold princes
He fell in love with a heart so dead
She said to him “go and mind your business”
I’ll never love you, so she said
She didn’t feel like love was important
She only cared for things and places
All of her friends were getting married
And when she sleeps she sees their faces
In her mind, she could never find
One good reason for you.
But in her in heart, she could understand
Why these days she felt so blue.
So she took your hand, knew you wouldn’t reprimand
When she said what she was feeling
She claimed her love, in the name of all above
And he thought that he was dreaming
She fell in love with a man not business
She fell in love with a boy so blind
He couldn’t see all her flaws, just kindness
And if he could she knew he wouldn’t mind
He knew she was the only one for him
He only cared for her sweet smile
All of his friends thought he was stupid
They thought the girl wasn’t worth his while
In her mind, she could never find
One good reason for you.
But in her in heart, she could understand
Why these days she felt so blue.
So she took your hand, knew you wouldn’t reprimand
When she said what she was feeling
She claimed her love, in the name of all above
And he thought that he was dreaming
He fell in love with an ice cold princes
He fell in love with a heart so dead
She said to him “go and mind your business”
I’ll never love you, so she said
She didn’t feel like love was important
She only cared for things and places
All of her friends were getting married
And when she sleeps she sees their faces
In her mind, she could never find
One good reason for you.
But in her in heart, she could understand
Why these days she felt so blue.
So she took your hand, knew you wouldn’t reprimand
When she said what she was feeling
She claimed her love, in the name of all above
And he thought that he was dreaming
She fell in love with a man not business
She fell in love with a boy so blind
He couldn’t see all her flaws, just kindness
And if he could she knew he wouldn’t mind
He knew she was the only one for him
He only cared for her sweet smile
All of his friends thought he was stupid
They thought the girl wasn’t worth his while
In her mind, she could never find
One good reason for you.
But in her in heart, she could understand
Why these days she felt so blue.
So she took your hand, knew you wouldn’t reprimand
When she said what she was feeling
She claimed her love, in the name of all above
And he thought that he was dreaming
Dancing to your tune
Old scribbling:
My heart is beating to your song
and I'm dancing to your tune
I long for us to be together,
soon can never be too soon
My cheeks blush at your smile
and I'm falling in your eyes
If you said I love you,
mine would widen in surprise
My minds in love with your words,
my hearts completely yours
I know my eyes say I love you
As my body opens doors
My heart is beating to your song
and I'm dancing to your tune
I long for us to be together,
soon can never be too soon
My cheeks blush at your smile
and I'm falling in your eyes
If you said I love you,
mine would widen in surprise
My minds in love with your words,
my hearts completely yours
I know my eyes say I love you
As my body opens doors
Blood for love
Nothing inside, it’s empty and cold
Feels almost like peace, but it can not be
…Peace is an emotion…
…That which I can not feel…
Enclosed in my own life,
Cannot escape, feel no need…for anything
Then-one emotion-panic-rising up alone,
Seeking a way out of this monotony
The emotions held inside my heart seek
Entrance to my mind and soul,
With the cold glint of steel,
I cut their bonds and they are released…
The price I pay for their freedom,
Is a scar-on my mind, my heart, my soul…my arm…
The sight of blood, the scent, brings back my feelings
And my love
For while held hostage in this cold cage of nothing,
There was indeed nothing, no love-a desolate place
Alone-amongst many
I fought to be freed, and I paid the price
Now tell me,
Was it worth it?
Or should I have remained forever a slave?
Panic saved me that day, or so I like to think…
Was my love worth the blood, Wise One?
OR would you rather the empty shell that I was?
Feeling nothing…
Feels almost like peace, but it can not be
…Peace is an emotion…
…That which I can not feel…
Enclosed in my own life,
Cannot escape, feel no need…for anything
Then-one emotion-panic-rising up alone,
Seeking a way out of this monotony
The emotions held inside my heart seek
Entrance to my mind and soul,
With the cold glint of steel,
I cut their bonds and they are released…
The price I pay for their freedom,
Is a scar-on my mind, my heart, my soul…my arm…
The sight of blood, the scent, brings back my feelings
And my love
For while held hostage in this cold cage of nothing,
There was indeed nothing, no love-a desolate place
Alone-amongst many
I fought to be freed, and I paid the price
Now tell me,
Was it worth it?
Or should I have remained forever a slave?
Panic saved me that day, or so I like to think…
Was my love worth the blood, Wise One?
OR would you rather the empty shell that I was?
Feeling nothing…
Love
Some old ruminations on love:
How do you know whether letting someone new into your heart will chase away the ghosts or whether the ghosts will chase them away?
How do you tell someone who loves you that you'll always love someone else longer and stronger? Does it make it easier or harder if you love this new person? How do you decide whether someone is worth the pain? Worth the loss, and worth the gain?
What if you love someone and never tell them? What if you tell them and they don't feel the same? Can you make someone love you? Is it a skill? Is there a difference between loving someone for a while, and loving them forever? Are there different amounts of love?
Is it better never to love than to break your heart?
Is there such thing as a happy ending? Or do we end each chapter of our lives with a sad beginning?
Our hearts cry from our ghosts, and our minds from their demons. Which influences which? Does it hurt us more to cry from the pain and the memories they give us, or to remove them and have an emptiness where once there was longing?
"You're either dipping your toe, or you're drowning" Aqualung
How do you know whether letting someone new into your heart will chase away the ghosts or whether the ghosts will chase them away?
How do you tell someone who loves you that you'll always love someone else longer and stronger? Does it make it easier or harder if you love this new person? How do you decide whether someone is worth the pain? Worth the loss, and worth the gain?
What if you love someone and never tell them? What if you tell them and they don't feel the same? Can you make someone love you? Is it a skill? Is there a difference between loving someone for a while, and loving them forever? Are there different amounts of love?
Is it better never to love than to break your heart?
Is there such thing as a happy ending? Or do we end each chapter of our lives with a sad beginning?
Our hearts cry from our ghosts, and our minds from their demons. Which influences which? Does it hurt us more to cry from the pain and the memories they give us, or to remove them and have an emptiness where once there was longing?
"You're either dipping your toe, or you're drowning" Aqualung
Oh, oh
You’re gonna rip me down
And tear me apart
I’m gonna scream for help
As you play with my heart
You make me, you make me, you make me
Feel so helpless
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO FUCK WITH YOUR MIND
Oh, oh you made me cry
Oh, oh I wonder why
Oh, oh I’m going down
Oh, oh I’m drowning
I’M DROWNING LIKE I DID ONCE BEFORE
I’m gonna crush your lies
And look for the truth
You’re gonna hurt my soul
As you run for the roof
You make me, you make me, you make me
Feel so helpless
YOU MAKE ME WANNA FUCK WITH YOUR MIND
Oh, oh I sigh your name
Oh, oh I take the blame
Oh, oh I fell so hard
Oh, oh I’m hurting
I’M HURTING LIKE I DID ONCE BEFORE
You’re gonna laugh so hard
And dance out of reach
While I stand stock still
You took my freedom of speech
You make me, you make me, you make me
Feel so helpless
YOU MAKE ME WANNA FUCK WITH YOUR MIND
Oh, oh you were my sun
Oh, oh thought you were the one
Oh, oh you made my day
Oh, oh I’m dying
I’M DYING LIKE I DID ONCE BEFORE
And tear me apart
I’m gonna scream for help
As you play with my heart
You make me, you make me, you make me
Feel so helpless
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO FUCK WITH YOUR MIND
Oh, oh you made me cry
Oh, oh I wonder why
Oh, oh I’m going down
Oh, oh I’m drowning
I’M DROWNING LIKE I DID ONCE BEFORE
I’m gonna crush your lies
And look for the truth
You’re gonna hurt my soul
As you run for the roof
You make me, you make me, you make me
Feel so helpless
YOU MAKE ME WANNA FUCK WITH YOUR MIND
Oh, oh I sigh your name
Oh, oh I take the blame
Oh, oh I fell so hard
Oh, oh I’m hurting
I’M HURTING LIKE I DID ONCE BEFORE
You’re gonna laugh so hard
And dance out of reach
While I stand stock still
You took my freedom of speech
You make me, you make me, you make me
Feel so helpless
YOU MAKE ME WANNA FUCK WITH YOUR MIND
Oh, oh you were my sun
Oh, oh thought you were the one
Oh, oh you made my day
Oh, oh I’m dying
I’M DYING LIKE I DID ONCE BEFORE
The Calm Before the Storm
I was held together
By only tied up strings
They sure weren’t tied tight enough
For what the future brings
I thought my life was back on track
I thought I had another chance
Turns out I tricked myself
It wasn’t true romance
CHORUS
Whenever life gets good
Whenever I feel warm
I know now what that means:
The calm before the storm
In real life nothing lasts
The truth will always come to pass
And as I drink another round
In my heart the rain pours down
I was looking forwards
To letting you inside
Now I don’t want anything
I just slam the door and hide
I thought my heart had found a friend
I thought you were for sure
Turns out you lied to me
You don’t want me any more
CHORUS
I am just so lonely
I know I’m not alone
But I can’t seem to reconnect
I hear the engaged tone
I can’t stand the way this hurts
I can’t stand to be ignored
You make me feel I don’t exist
I was your toy and you got bored
By only tied up strings
They sure weren’t tied tight enough
For what the future brings
I thought my life was back on track
I thought I had another chance
Turns out I tricked myself
It wasn’t true romance
CHORUS
Whenever life gets good
Whenever I feel warm
I know now what that means:
The calm before the storm
In real life nothing lasts
The truth will always come to pass
And as I drink another round
In my heart the rain pours down
I was looking forwards
To letting you inside
Now I don’t want anything
I just slam the door and hide
I thought my heart had found a friend
I thought you were for sure
Turns out you lied to me
You don’t want me any more
CHORUS
I am just so lonely
I know I’m not alone
But I can’t seem to reconnect
I hear the engaged tone
I can’t stand the way this hurts
I can’t stand to be ignored
You make me feel I don’t exist
I was your toy and you got bored
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