Freedom

The world is shifting around me, everything is changing. Things I have to do, places I need to go, stuff I need to say...but I don't feel any different.

It feels like my life has gotten too personal (heh) to write about in detail. I can't do it without mentioning the people that have affected me and doing so would make them angry/upset at me. Probably angry though. So much as I would like to find a vent for how unhappy I'm feeling at the moment, I can't. I made a promise about certain things that I can't reveal, and now it's all backfired and I can't even cry about it to someone.

Oh well, life sucks, nut up. And don't get me wrong, it really does. Take any individual in the world, even the most wealthy, coddled person, and ask them how their day was. 9/10 the answer will not be a positive one. However, some people are just so much more accepting and more capable of dealing with the harder aspects of life, they just know it and move on.

Other people are worse than the norm though, and their life appears to be just a barrel of donkey shit. Other than the seriously unfortunate people, with no money, no homes, no food, which at the moment is closer to home than I think anyone foresaw, there are just these few people who not only are always feeling hard done by, but are constantly complaining about it.

It's always someone elses fault. You did them a favour the other day, you were so nice, blah blah and then they repay you like this?! Noone cares. Obviously you've done something to deserve the shit treatment. Either that or you're a fucking retard for being friends with the cunt in the first place.

Listen to me. You like someone? Fucking tell them. They say no? Who gives a shit, if life is so crap because they haven't told you they like you, how do you imagine it is for them if they DO like you? SOMEONE has to make the first fucking move. If they don't like you? Big whoop, you learnt something new, got disappointed, and now you have the answer you were craving for, you get to move on and find someone worth your attention. Jesus, I know it's hard, but it's not THAT fucking hard.

These people, the ones hiding from their own faults and flaws and responsibility, somehow think life is just so much easier for everyone else. You think it's any easier for everyone else to do the same things you find so challenging? You think it's easy to risk heartbreak just because you've done it before? You're fucking wrong. It doesn't get any easier. Whoever tells you that is a lie. What does get easier is living with yourself afterwards. Make a mistake, learn from it, it's worth it.

Be straightforward everyone. God, but you have no idea how much I wish everything could just be out there. All these secrets, all these lies that are told to protect everyone else. I just don't understand it, these things that hurt people, are they meant to hurt me to? Why don't they sting the way they should? Why don't I give a shit? And who's the fucking weird one is what I'd like to know.

So much bullshit, hate and torture comes from hiding stuff. I don't care if you're gay, I don't care if you have slept with 50 girls or boys. I don't care if you have 2 boyfriends at the same time, or if you and your husband go swinging every weekend. Honestly if the two or more people engaged in the act, whatever it may be, are content and willing, then jesus I'm totally content and willing to know about it, hear about it, and not fucking judge you. I don't care if you sleep with my exboyfriends, or if I'm interested in someone but never actually act on it you take the initiative if you like them too! We aren't all serving our own purpose.

Does it really matter? Honestly? Does it matter if we can't stay monogamous, or heterosexual? I so badly wish none of it had to stay under the wraps, it didn't used to be in so many ancient societies, and to be honest I think that was a million times more civilised than this method and the resulting angst. Why do we get so jealous? So caught up in who and what belongs to us? Why can't we just be happy for each other?

I feel so trapped, all these lies and hate and secrets building up around me. I don't know what you all think of me, and if you told me you'd probably lie because you wouldn't believe me when I say I don't care. Obviously bad words hurt, but they aren't often accurate for what the person means. A stupid guy might call you easy but honestly not mean the connotations you associate with it. Take your time and be patient trying to get people to express themselves. Communication is so important. Please, please, please, since I can't be free, just be a little free-er yourselves. Every one of you.